Being Orphan

The other day I was talking to my younger sister, who studies in 9th standard, about her School life and sharing some of my experiences, too, as both of us had some time to kill. As she was informing me about her teachers, friend circle and classmates, she started telling me about this ‘weird’ classmate of hers whom she was not really interested befriending or for that matter talking to. That girl, I was told, was a bit ‘strange’ in many ways. Many of times she would talk ‘nonsense’ like living in the jungle bordering the city. Or as once, in the school, when she was asked why she was late, she started crying and mentioned about her encounter with a knife wielding man who beat her up on her way to School. She was said to be in a habit of stealing money from home. She would say conflicting things about her family members. She hardly had any friends.

Later in the talk it turned out that she was an orphan living with her poor grandma. Rumor has it that, my sister told, her mother was killed by her father who was consequentially sentenced to jail. The picture became complete. At this instance my mind jumped to one of my school friends who was also ‘weird’. Children would call him ‘scientist’ for the larger part of his ‘nonsense’ talk was about his future scientific invention plans. I don’t recall if there was anyone he could call a friend besides me. He was also an orphan, having lost his mother in an accident and his father left him and his sister at the mercy of his uncle.

I started thinking about the tragedy of children rendered parentless at tender age. We who are brought up in the comforting shade of our parents and warmth of family life tend to take our parents for granted. That sense of security, belonging, love and being cared that we so much enjoy is simply absent in the case of those orphans, resulting into unpleasant consequences. The relatives, however loving and caring, can never be substitute for the parents.

So when these kids see other kids with their parents, they feel terribly lonely. They find no one they could share their joys and sorrows and anxieties with. No one they could ask for guidance or goodies. For they know that those taking care of them are simply not their ‘own’. What’s more, if the departure of child from his parent(s) involves certain degree of violence or conflict, as in the case these two kids, then it has grave psychological effects on their tender minds.

Most often our parents are our gateway to the society. Especially when we’re young, people recognize us by our parents. That’s why the orphans, most of the times, live a detached life wherein they find solace and company in the world of their own fantasies. So you can’t really blame them for telling some of the stories of that world to their schoolmates. And this results in further alienation.

There’s one more aspect of their misery: insecurity. Even if your parents are poor you have a sense of financial security and support and an assurance that you won’t be abandoned or treated as a burden, which is not the case with orphans. Besides, whom do you think can they complain about irate bullies at school? Most of the times they don’t get those essential lessons of mannerisms and morality and vice and virtue. This combined with their unfulfilled aspirations and sense of insecurity makes them feel vulnerable and turns many of them into criminals.

Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) said, “Whoever caresses the head of an orphan (in affection), solely for the sake of Allah, a good deed will be written to his account for every hair over which he passed his hand”. The message is to never let an orphan feel lonely and assure him of parental support which he wants so desperately. Encourage kids to befriend such ‘weird’ boys and girls and keep them in close company instead of running away from them. Support them financially, if we can, without embarrassing them.

At a time when divorces are happening at an alarming rate, the no. of single mothers is increasing, babies are born to unmarried teens (most of whom lack proper care especially from paternal side) and homosexual couples are legally having kids we should, for the sake of well being of children, defend the traditional family system with full force. Statistics show that in Britain, where the rate of teen pregnancies is the highest and the family system is damaged beyond repair, a crime is committed every two minutes by youngsters. It is high time that we realize that parents are not just an invaluable gift of God but an essential need of child and fight all those social evils that deprive a child of one or both of them.